[Sousuke runs his left hand up and through his hair, staring daggers at his sneakers. This conversation is turning out to be way too deep for him. He wants to jump up, declare the entire thing pointless, maybe back Makoto against the lockers before leaving because this is too much to talk about. This is too much to put into words.]
It doesn't matter what he's planning. He already has reached those heights. I'm too late again.
[And he bites off whatever else he was going say about Rin's time here because sure, that hasn't pushed him to new heights of athleticism but it has given Rin a space to move on without Sousuke. That's too much like blaming Makoto or even blaming Rin. He doesn't expect him to stay in a holding pattern just because Sousuke didn't get kidnapped at the same time but that doesn't make the truth hurt any less.
He shakes his head at the comparison to Nanase. It's not the same. His voice is more hostile when he answers this time because this whole, 'we feel the same way,' thing has got to go. Tachibana doesn't know.]
Come talk to me when Nanase stops speaking to you for five years. When you get left trying to follow when you can't even see where he went.
[but his voice wavers, falls into a murmur, when sousuke continues; makes it clear that he knows exactly what is wrong and that he doesn't need makoto holding his hand through the process. that's not how sousuke works.]
[so it feels distant, what he's giving; it feels small, what he knows. he knows plenty--but sousuke yamazaki, as he's come in this time, a turmoil of emotions, is not one of the many things he knows.]
[makoto knows this is an invitation to shut up and go away, because makoto can't possibly understand. so instead, he changes gears.]
...then, Rin being here three years without you, from your point of view, it's ... just the same as before. [it's not anyone's fault this time, though] But, Rin wanted you to be here, all these years. He always looked for you at the start of each month. He doesn't want you not to follow him this time.
[It would be much easier if he could accept a hand to hold other than Rin's, but right now he won't even ask for that much. Sousuke's never been one to ask for help or let on that he needs much of anything and a situation like this is only prone to make him more determined to be self-sufficient. He can't just put Salonpas on this and brute force it, though. Something's going to have to give.
He finally looks up when Tachibana draws the comparison between Australia and here. That's the more telling one and the look on Sousuke's face--wary but attentive and surprised--may be just enough to let Tachibana know he's scored a direct hit. There's no one who could make him believe Rin wanted him there in Australia, not even Rin, but this... this he wants to believe and Tachibana's got no reason to lie. Telling him this doesn't guarantee he'll like him any more, it only serves to ease the ache in his chest about Rin.
When he repeats himself it's no longer dismissive or combative. Sousuke just sounds resigned. It's a place he's learned to be comfortable, resignation. There is only so much he can control from inside his walls, after all.]
[but this is what sousuke feels, and makoto doesn't want him to think that makoto is belittling what he is experiencing. instead, his shoulders slump as makoto uncrosses his arms, a more open positioning of himself, as he uses his hands as he speaks.]
Perhaps--for certain things, you're right, but... It's not over. Our lives are about to start a new path, whatever it is we decide to do with it. Even being here, it's new. We have to adjust and find ways to continue living that makes sense if we were back home.
[for makoto, it's the flowershop, and coaching p.e. classes; it's moving in with rin. for sousuke... makoto can only hope he finds something.]
I'm sure you want to be part of Rin's future here as much as back home. So--is it, really hard, to be a part of it? He'll want you to be at his side... and, no matter what he and I have, I want you to be there with Rin too.
[perhaps the most telling thing that makoto and rin have been dating for over a year is makoto's more assertive words and opinions. sousuke might catch on.]
[Of course Tachibana doesn't think he's too late. Tachibana's been here the entire time. Sousuke's about to tell him as much when instead, he concedes the point. It's extremely difficult to stay angry around someone this reasonable. It's probably yet another thing that makes Tachibana and Rin well-suited.
Sousuke sighs, long and soft, and looks back down at his hands. He thought he'd made his peace with not having a place at Rin's side anymore, even if Rin himself hadn't. This is rekindling a kind of hope, though. There's no world stage here which means the path on which Sousuke would have stayed behind is, at the very least, different for Rin than it would have been. Maybe he can find a way to stay on it with him longer. Even if Tachibana is on the other side... that's where Rin wants him. It's not exactly a bad place to be.]
If there's a place for me...
[Rin was a gaping hole in Sousuke's life for too long. He doesn't want to do the same thing to him. He's missed so many chances but maybe, maybe he doesn't have to miss any more.]
[tension seems to lift from the air a little, and makoto allows himself to smile slightly, even if sousuke still seems to have a lot on his mind to go through. it's a step in the right direction at least, or so he hopes, and so long as sousuke remains positive and aiming towards the light, he won't get lost so easily.]
Of course there is. Rin and I make enough time for our own things and our friends, it's not like I'm taking all of his time. I want you to feel comfortable being with Rin, and, maybe [shoulders shrug] with me too? --I would like to try being friends, some time.
[he walks closer but remains at a distance, reaching his hand out for--a hand shake, or helping sousuke get up from the bench.]
If that's alright with you.
[he waits a moment, before adding:] You're important to us all, anyway. Rin and Gou more so, but...
[it's understood, isn't it? they're a team here, no matter what.]
[It's not going to be the easiest thing he's ever done. He grieved for his future with Rin but he thought he'd laid it to rest. Having new blood flowing into that dream is going to sting for a while, all pins and needles, but maybe he can make something of it. It'll be different but it'll be alive.
Sousuke looks at Makoto's hand for a long time before finally reaching forward. He does feel comfortable with Rin unless he lets himself get too deep into his own head. He'll have the time here he needs to earn his spot back, but at least he can do so knowing it's been saved for him. As to the other part, well.]
You were friends with me before, weren't you.
[It's not really a question. He accepts the help to his feet, but from their earlier conversations and the easy way Tachibana tried to invite him to dinner, it's clear there was a different expectation here. Sousuke's not sure he can live up to that; he's not sure what was different before, though he suspects the dating may have been part of it. Either way, though, it's something he's been curious about, what things were like with Tachibana before.
He's not sure how to reply to assertions about his importance. It's nice to hear, but he hasn't earned it yet, so for now he just nods. More things that necessitate taking Tachibana at his word.]
[makoto's glad for the accepted invitation for physical contact (something rin has taught him, over time), and makoto feels that much more at ease now. he does his best to give sousuke his space, because that's something makoto can understand painfully well about the older teen.]
We... used to be, yeah.
[and it's almost crystal clear that sousuke is partly curious about it]
It took us some time to get on the right footing, but eventually we started hanging out a bit and, just doing things. I won't expect that from you now though. If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't--that's just life, right?
[...]
At least when it comes to Rin, I hope we can get along still. Not for his sake, but because it'd be nicer if you felt comfortable hanging out with him when I'm there, too.
[that makes sense, doesn't it? it's a reasonable thing to aim for.]
[Sousuke's not sure what to make of the helping hand up except that it's so obviously a Tachibana thing to do. He'd never attribute that to Rin. Not that Rin doesn't help people up in his way, but the easy offering of a hand to someone who'd so recently been cold... that's one hundred percent Tachibana.
He listens as the past is described to him, thinking about what Nanase'd said about just believing it. It sounds about right, though, for all that is also sounds a lot easier than things have been this time. He's aware of the expectations now, at least, and it feels like living up to them or not is up to him.
He might like to. Tachibana's not a bad guy. This would all have been easier if he were, but instead he's the kind of person Sousuke can imagine he might be able to be friends with. In time.
He nods again.]
That shouldn't be a problem. I'm not here to make waves.
[It's what he's been trying to avoid by just shutting up, after all. Now that most of it's out in the open, it should be even easier. There will be eggshells for a while but even that's easier than nothing.]
[sousuke still looks like he has a lot to think about. it's normal, having so many sudden things on one's lap. makoto's smile doesn't disappear regardless.]
I'm glad we had this conversation. I--know it's difficult, to say some of the things you've said, or to imply as much, but...
[he honestly is, glad, that sousuke opened up; that he trusts makoto enough as to say these things and reward makoto with an opportunity to make better at whatever rift may be between them, for whichever reason.]
[because in the end, sousuke's approval of makoto towards rin is one of the most important ones, after gou. being able to get along with sousuke is something he wants, and will cherish, and a chance at that is one he will not waste.]
And like I said, I won't tell Rin if you don't want me to. This can stay between us.
[Makoto gets a little bit of an odd look for his comment about what Sousuke might have implied, but it's not like he's entirely wrong. His intuition through the whole conversation had been accurate, probably owing to how well he'd gotten to know Sousuke before. It feels better to have some of it out in the open at any rate, but he does react immediately to the mention of Rin.]
Please. He wouldn't understand.
[It feels like an uncharitable thing to say about his best friend but at the same time, there's simply no way Rin would understand the way things affected Sousuke. When Rin lost something, he just found a way to alchemize the loss into motivation. Sousuke tried, but he couldn't make it work the way Rin did. So it's better if, for as long as possible, this just stays in this locker room.
And the weight of a shared knowledge like this is likely to achieve Tachibana's goal sooner, too. Sousuke has to acknowledge that. He has no choice but to trust him now. And for that...]
[it makes makoto so happy--that sousuke's calling him by his given name, so easily and spirited, like there was never anything wrong with doing so. though sousuke avoided calling him by name, it felt like their conversation had been very much on the frame of 'tachibana.']
[he's glad they're past it now.]
Hm.
[and he nods,]
Well, I'll... I'll be going now. You can continue with your training. I promised Momo we would have pizza tonight, and it's my turn to feed the cats... So, I'll see you around?
[Sousuke can see how happy the small change--change back--makes Makoto and it almost makes him uncomfortable, knowing something so trivial can mean so much. He scratches at the back of his head, trying to figure out how to gracefully excuse himself because for all that the air is clearer, his head's not in nearly as good of shape and he just wants to be alone.
Then, because he's Makoto, Makoto just does it for him. Sousuke nods too, glad it's that simple, even if it may not always be so.]
Don't let him eat too much. And... yeah. I'll see you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: action, weekend
It doesn't matter what he's planning. He already has reached those heights. I'm too late again.
[And he bites off whatever else he was going say about Rin's time here because sure, that hasn't pushed him to new heights of athleticism but it has given Rin a space to move on without Sousuke. That's too much like blaming Makoto or even blaming Rin. He doesn't expect him to stay in a holding pattern just because Sousuke didn't get kidnapped at the same time but that doesn't make the truth hurt any less.
He shakes his head at the comparison to Nanase. It's not the same. His voice is more hostile when he answers this time because this whole, 'we feel the same way,' thing has got to go. Tachibana doesn't know.]
Come talk to me when Nanase stops speaking to you for five years. When you get left trying to follow when you can't even see where he went.
Just like Rin.
Re: action, weekend
[but his voice wavers, falls into a murmur, when sousuke continues; makes it clear that he knows exactly what is wrong and that he doesn't need makoto holding his hand through the process. that's not how sousuke works.]
[so it feels distant, what he's giving; it feels small, what he knows. he knows plenty--but sousuke yamazaki, as he's come in this time, a turmoil of emotions, is not one of the many things he knows.]
[makoto knows this is an invitation to shut up and go away, because makoto can't possibly understand. so instead, he changes gears.]
...then, Rin being here three years without you, from your point of view, it's ... just the same as before. [it's not anyone's fault this time, though] But, Rin wanted you to be here, all these years. He always looked for you at the start of each month. He doesn't want you not to follow him this time.
Re: action, weekend
He finally looks up when Tachibana draws the comparison between Australia and here. That's the more telling one and the look on Sousuke's face--wary but attentive and surprised--may be just enough to let Tachibana know he's scored a direct hit. There's no one who could make him believe Rin wanted him there in Australia, not even Rin, but this... this he wants to believe and Tachibana's got no reason to lie. Telling him this doesn't guarantee he'll like him any more, it only serves to ease the ache in his chest about Rin.
When he repeats himself it's no longer dismissive or combative. Sousuke just sounds resigned. It's a place he's learned to be comfortable, resignation. There is only so much he can control from inside his walls, after all.]
I'm too late.
Re: action, weekend
[but this is what sousuke feels, and makoto doesn't want him to think that makoto is belittling what he is experiencing. instead, his shoulders slump as makoto uncrosses his arms, a more open positioning of himself, as he uses his hands as he speaks.]
Perhaps--for certain things, you're right, but... It's not over. Our lives are about to start a new path, whatever it is we decide to do with it. Even being here, it's new. We have to adjust and find ways to continue living that makes sense if we were back home.
[for makoto, it's the flowershop, and coaching p.e. classes; it's moving in with rin. for sousuke... makoto can only hope he finds something.]
I'm sure you want to be part of Rin's future here as much as back home. So--is it, really hard, to be a part of it? He'll want you to be at his side... and, no matter what he and I have, I want you to be there with Rin too.
[perhaps the most telling thing that makoto and rin have been dating for over a year is makoto's more assertive words and opinions. sousuke might catch on.]
Re: action, weekend
Sousuke sighs, long and soft, and looks back down at his hands. He thought he'd made his peace with not having a place at Rin's side anymore, even if Rin himself hadn't. This is rekindling a kind of hope, though. There's no world stage here which means the path on which Sousuke would have stayed behind is, at the very least, different for Rin than it would have been. Maybe he can find a way to stay on it with him longer. Even if Tachibana is on the other side... that's where Rin wants him. It's not exactly a bad place to be.]
If there's a place for me...
[Rin was a gaping hole in Sousuke's life for too long. He doesn't want to do the same thing to him. He's missed so many chances but maybe, maybe he doesn't have to miss any more.]
Re: action, weekend
Of course there is. Rin and I make enough time for our own things and our friends, it's not like I'm taking all of his time. I want you to feel comfortable being with Rin, and, maybe [shoulders shrug] with me too? --I would like to try being friends, some time.
[he walks closer but remains at a distance, reaching his hand out for--a hand shake, or helping sousuke get up from the bench.]
If that's alright with you.
[he waits a moment, before adding:] You're important to us all, anyway. Rin and Gou more so, but...
[it's understood, isn't it? they're a team here, no matter what.]
Re: action, weekend
Sousuke looks at Makoto's hand for a long time before finally reaching forward. He does feel comfortable with Rin unless he lets himself get too deep into his own head. He'll have the time here he needs to earn his spot back, but at least he can do so knowing it's been saved for him. As to the other part, well.]
You were friends with me before, weren't you.
[It's not really a question. He accepts the help to his feet, but from their earlier conversations and the easy way Tachibana tried to invite him to dinner, it's clear there was a different expectation here. Sousuke's not sure he can live up to that; he's not sure what was different before, though he suspects the dating may have been part of it. Either way, though, it's something he's been curious about, what things were like with Tachibana before.
He's not sure how to reply to assertions about his importance. It's nice to hear, but he hasn't earned it yet, so for now he just nods. More things that necessitate taking Tachibana at his word.]
Re: action, weekend
We... used to be, yeah.
[and it's almost crystal clear that sousuke is partly curious about it]
It took us some time to get on the right footing, but eventually we started hanging out a bit and, just doing things. I won't expect that from you now though. If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't--that's just life, right?
[...]
At least when it comes to Rin, I hope we can get along still. Not for his sake, but because it'd be nicer if you felt comfortable hanging out with him when I'm there, too.
[that makes sense, doesn't it? it's a reasonable thing to aim for.]
Re: action, weekend
He listens as the past is described to him, thinking about what Nanase'd said about just believing it. It sounds about right, though, for all that is also sounds a lot easier than things have been this time. He's aware of the expectations now, at least, and it feels like living up to them or not is up to him.
He might like to. Tachibana's not a bad guy. This would all have been easier if he were, but instead he's the kind of person Sousuke can imagine he might be able to be friends with. In time.
He nods again.]
That shouldn't be a problem. I'm not here to make waves.
[It's what he's been trying to avoid by just shutting up, after all. Now that most of it's out in the open, it should be even easier. There will be eggshells for a while but even that's easier than nothing.]
Re: action, weekend
I'm glad we had this conversation. I--know it's difficult, to say some of the things you've said, or to imply as much, but...
[he honestly is, glad, that sousuke opened up; that he trusts makoto enough as to say these things and reward makoto with an opportunity to make better at whatever rift may be between them, for whichever reason.]
Re: action, weekend
[because in the end, sousuke's approval of makoto towards rin is one of the most important ones, after gou. being able to get along with sousuke is something he wants, and will cherish, and a chance at that is one he will not waste.]
And like I said, I won't tell Rin if you don't want me to. This can stay between us.
Re: action, weekend
Please. He wouldn't understand.
[It feels like an uncharitable thing to say about his best friend but at the same time, there's simply no way Rin would understand the way things affected Sousuke. When Rin lost something, he just found a way to alchemize the loss into motivation. Sousuke tried, but he couldn't make it work the way Rin did. So it's better if, for as long as possible, this just stays in this locker room.
And the weight of a shared knowledge like this is likely to achieve Tachibana's goal sooner, too. Sousuke has to acknowledge that. He has no choice but to trust him now. And for that...]
Thank you too.
Makoto.
Re: action, weekend
[he's glad they're past it now.]
Hm.
[and he nods,]
Well, I'll... I'll be going now. You can continue with your training. I promised Momo we would have pizza tonight, and it's my turn to feed the cats... So, I'll see you around?
Re: action, weekend
Then, because he's Makoto, Makoto just does it for him. Sousuke nods too, glad it's that simple, even if it may not always be so.]
Don't let him eat too much. And... yeah. I'll see you.